6 Steps to Live Aligned With Your Values

I was once spending time with some young members of my family – they were all under the age of six. After playing some active games like hide & seek and chasey, we went indoors and started playing “shops” where one little one was the checkout operator, another was the grocery packer and the rest of us were all customers.

Little did I realise that I was about to learn something that completely changed the way I thought about our values – about what we hold precious in our lives.

One by one we started collecting our groceries in our bags, and lining up at the checkout to purchase our wares. A few of the youngsters had convinced me and some other family members to empty our purses and wallets of coins so this could be a real supermarket.

Obviously, playing this with the little ones meant that nearly everything was $2 each… an apple, a bottle of milk, steak, chicken and even an oversized frozen family meal that could feed 20 people! And even though everything was $2, when it was all tallied together the total amount due was… $2.

What was interesting was not the value of the items, but the change that was being provided for the customers. One customer would offer five 5c pieces, and that was worth $2, while another would provide a 50c piece and this would mean there was lots of change needing to be provided to the customer in return. Being the eldest of the group (by about 30 years!) I started explaining how there were numbers on the coins, and this is what determined their value. I was abruptly told, (and in no uncertain terms) that this idea was ridiculous, and that it is about the size of the coin – the larger the coin, the more it was worth.

This is where it got very interesting for me… no matter how I tried to explain it, the fact was never going to change. For this very enterprising checkout operator, this is the way it was and there was no way it would, or could, be any different. The larger the coin, the more it was worth.

The value of the object was set – no questions – end of story.

This prompted a significant shift to how I viewed and represented my personal values, and values in general. Our values are a self created entity. They may well have been influenced by experiences in our lives, and those who play(ed) a role in who we are, but essentially because an individual has defined their values internally, their values are unique in every way.

So when someone says they have a life value of volunteering, we can never truly understand what their definition of volunteering is, as there are as many definitions as there are people having that value!

But then the significance of this dawned on me – what are the definitions of my values? These things I hold as the most precious representations of my existence – how do I define them?

Can you define your values? If I asked you to specifically explain to me what they are and how precisely they effect your choices, could you tell me? I know I certainly couldn’t, and if you’re anything like anyone I have coached or counselled over the last twenty years, my bet is you couldn’t either.

So here is a little activity that can help you truly define your values. “What is the benefit of doing this?” I hear you ask. Once you know the importance of your values, how they act as the ultimate decision maker for your actions and choices, you will be able to define and strengthen the commitment of those values so you can live life in more alignment.

So grab a pen and a notepad, and write down at the top of a page your most powerful value. Then respond to these 6 steps to really understand your values. (You’ll probably need about 20 minutes per value.)

1) What does this value mean to your life and to those around you?

2) Out of 10, where 1 is ‘not very much’ and 10 is ‘highly committed’, score where you feel you are currently living your life in terms of this value?

3) In an ideal world, what would it take for you to be scoring a 10? (Try thinking about this in terms of “What would I need to start doing?”, “What would I need to keep doing?” and “What would I need to stop doing?”)

4) What behaviours do you currently tolerate that are counter-productive to living this value?

5) What two or three behaviours can be absolutely non-negotiable from this point forward in supporting this value?

6) What is going to be the consequence of breaching these now non-negotiable behaviours?

Isn’t number 6) awesome? Our values play such an important part in our life, and if there is no commitment to their definition, there will always be a level of ambivalence that will often leave us feeling let down with ourselves.

Select your top two, three or four values, and run through this process. I guarantee at the end you will feel more empowered and motivated than you have for a long time. You might even feel you have greater purpose in your life simply by knowing what you stand for! For now you will have not only a true definition of your values, but also a commitment to how you must behave for these values to be given due worth. Once this commitment is in place and your actions align with these answers, you will become more powerful than you can imagine.

Oh, and next time you’re resigned to looking after the junior members of your family, know that there is always something you can learn from those who have not yet been force fed societal expectations!

If you get value from this exercise, may I ask for you to like and share the page with your friends, and with social media. I truly believe there are many, many people who can benefit from this simple six step exercise.

Until next time, Live Your Ultimate Life.