Don’t Think of a Pink Elephant!

Verbal communication is fascinating… no…. really… IT IS!!!

For example, I’m sure you’ve experienced the old problem of getting someone to not do something. This is something that is a hot topic for those with young kids – you’re about to see why.

When we say “Don’t play with the fire”, the first thing the brain recognises is the noun, and then we process the rest of the sentence. What this means is that even though we are trying to get someone away from the fire, they have to think about the fire before doing the rest of what was asked.

This inadvertently focuses the person on what you’re trying to get them not to focus on!

Try this – don’t think of a pink elephant. I can say confidently the first thing your brain did was picture what a pink elephant would look like. Then it processed the rest of the sentence including the word “DON’T”. But it’s too late – the damage is done.

Early learning teachers and parents are now taught the “Divert and Distract” technique. Rather than stating what they’d like the youngster not to do, they introduce something else to take their focus. When a child is older, reasoning can take place, but until then, the best technique to have a child not do something is to give them something else to do.

And now we can flip this a complete 180º.

When working with adults, it is a little different. Reasoning is in play, and to convince someone not to do something, simply give them powerful reasons why not doing it is better for them and (mostly) they will be convinced. The technique of mentioning something not to be done can now be used as a convincing strategy!

I’m not going to ask you to think of your favourite television show, that would be silly, but I bet you did anyway! And we’re busy discussing communication, so please keep focus and don’t cast your mind back to one of the happiest moments of your life.

Great communicators use this technique to help lead people (not so much the person, it’s more about their brain!) to better and happier feelings. When you ask someone not to do something, those who try to resist, maintain control and not do as you ask, still need to process the noun before their brain realises it’s something they don’t want to do.

By the way, did you enjoy the memory of that happy moment?

I’m not going to tell you that you can easily communicate your wishes simply by stating it in the negative, that would be presumptive of me, and I’m not going to insinuate that you now know you can easily influence another’s thinking. Simply enjoy the opportunity, and…

Live Your Ultimate Life.

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