Let’s try something a little different today. I’ve presented many blogs recently about managing your thinking, the open interpretation of reality and other topics to do with managing our own thoughts. What I’d like to discuss with you today is influencing the thoughts of others – how to communicate.

I’m going to present these ideas utilising some of my favourite quotes and how they reflect the importance of strong communication.

The first key is to understand that…

You cannot not communicate!

When we are talking to someone, most times we are actually trying to influence them…

• convincing a young son or daughter that it is time for bed
• discussing what you’d like for tea
• talking with friends about a recent sports match

We are communicating all the time! Occasionally, we’ll just be chatting, but most of our communication is to influence the thoughts or actions of another person.

A key here to realise is even if we don’t say a word and just stand there with our hands on our hips, we are still communicating. When we choose to say nothing, we are still conveying a message. We have non-verbal communication that sometimes speaks louder than words! Be aware of what others are seeing and hearing of you – we are always communicating.

No-one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

I have been an IT and process management trainer for many years and one of the earliest things I learnt when I joined Toastmasters to work on my communication skills is that people listening are very attuned to recognising the value in the communication. People can tell very quickly if the benefit of the communication is for you or for them.

As much as possible, convey the content of your communication with an aura of support and assistance. Know the reason and outcome for this time in discussion. If there’s nothing in it for the listener, they’re out quicker than a flash.

The Scouts have a saying – “Leave the camp site better than you found it”. Aim to make this true for all your interactions.

A picture is worth a thousand words.

A little exercise for you… think of your favourite book. What are you seeing in your mind’s eye? Now think about a conversation you’ve had recently with a friend. Again, what are you seeing in your mind?

If you’re like 99.9% of the Earth’s population, when thinking of something in your mind, it will be a picture. I mentioned in a recent blog post that essentially, we all think in pictures. When we communicate with others there’s a process that takes place…

1. The communicator unconsciously looks at that picture in their mind and decides on the important aspects to communicate with the other person
2. They then convert what they see into words to express what they are seeing. Recognise how this can change based on the size of vocabulary available, experiences affecting the choice of important elements of that picture etc. But nevertheless, words are selected to convey the picture to someone else
3. The communicator speaks these words
4. The air vibrations (sound) that leaves the mouth of the speaker travels through the air and into the ears of the listener. This step of communication can be affected by noise in the environment, accent in spoken language, focus of the listener and a myriad of other things
5. The listener now turns those sound waves into words. Again this can be affected by many factors none moreso than experience and interpretation of those words
6. The words are built into a picture so it can be viewed and reviewed by the listener’s mind to build a level of comprehension of what the speaker spoke

At each step, there are many things that change the meaning of the initial communication. By the time the speaker is saying what is on their mind, the message has already changed twice. By the time the listener has built the picture in their mind, the communication has changed another four times! This is why the game Chinese Whispers works so well.

When you communicate an idea or thought try to be as clear as possible, and recognise the ability of the listener to comprehend the words you use – they may have very different experiences from you and a model of the world that does not include terminology you use every day.

I hope these few small recognitions assist you to communicate more effectively so your message may have more impact on the world – or at least help convince getting the kids to bed!

Please share your thoughts on the topics covered here today – have you ever had a mis-communication that created an interesting outcome?

Also, it’d be great if you could share this post on social media… I’m sure you have friends that can benefit from the information in this post, and the many others available.

Until next time,

Live Your Ultimate Life