How To: Make Happiness a Habit

For some of us happiness often feels a fleeting and fickle mistress – there are days that no matter what we do everything just seems to go wrong, and then others where we feel stuck in a quagmire unable to achieve and enjoy our moments in time.

How then is it that some people always seem happy? It’s as though they don’t have a care in the world and that life is all cupcakes and carousels.

Happiness as a Habit

Research has shown that there are many different factors that affect our level of happiness, and that there are some ‘everyday’ things we can do to provide ourselves with the best opportunity to feel happy. This list is by no means exhaustive, nor fits everyone. However, these items are key indicators to a person’s overall feeling of joy and calm.

•     Expect Happiness

It is well known to science and psychology that what someone expects to happen is invariably what they receive. This is not so much about the amazing ability of ‘magic manifestation’, but bears itself in the fact that our brains will always seek out proof for our beliefs.
If we believe everyone is plotting against us, or that every machine from our car to the photocopier doesn’t like us, or that certain people are talking behind our backs, guess what happens. Our brain keeps an eye out on everything that can prove those things to be correct! It’s called the Reticular Activating System, and essentially means that “we get what we expect”!

•      Achieve and Recognise

Many times when I’m coaching someone who feels stuck in a ‘funk’, that wallows in despair at worst, or mediocrity at best, the answer is to write a list. When we are experiencing these times, no matter what we do, we seem to have no way out, that we are stuck in that situation.
What I have found is that while in this ‘not-so-great’ emotional state, achievements are still being made (to some extent) however are never recognised. By making a short list of two to three items of things to be achieved then ensuring to cross them off when they are done, you are forcing yourself to recognise that you are not dormant, but actually achieving activities.
This little exercise provide an opportunity for you to feel you are in control of what you’d like to do (see point 4!) and that you are moving forward – that you are not stuck – and achieving items you’ve set for yourself. This quickly changes your outlook as you have proof that you are no longer stuck!

•      Be Other People Centred

A great way to increase your level of happiness is to help someone else feel happiness.
By focussing on someone else and helping them in any way that you see fit, you achieve the initial step of continually focussing on how you feel, but also that you are able to bring happiness to someone else’s life. Supporting others has always been a way of recognising the world does not revolve solely around you, and that by increasing the pleasure in someone else’s life, you inherently feel better about yourself.
Volunteering your time and expecting nothing in return is one of the most satisfying (and happiness inducing) activities we can undertake.

•      Take Control

As discussed in point two, feeling in control of what happens to you means that your not a wayward vessel being tossed on the stormy seas. If you are not making the choices in your life, it means that someone else is.
Know what you’d like to achieve this month, this week and even down to today. If you haven’t thought specifically about what you want to achieve then you do not have your hands on the wheel – someone else is influencing your achievements and activity… is this going to help you be happy?
Have your goals – even if it is a list of things you’d like to get done today. Crossing these items off will provide evidence that you are achieving what you want to achieve.

• Be Aware of our Communication

Laying across the four points listed above is the way we talk to ourselves. When we are down in the dumps, we often resort to verbal self abuse… “Why can’t I just get that right”? “Why does this always happen to me”? “Why is everyone picking on me”?
The language we use inside our heads is one of the most important aspects to living a happy life – we can set our expectations via this language (point #1), convince ourselves to take steps to complete small goals (point #2), take steps to understand another’s point of view and situation (point #3) and ensure we focus on what we’re looking to achieve (step #4) utilising our own internal discussion.
Not only that, but controlling the world within with the language we use is the easiest change we can make.

The new eBook “Self Talk Sabotage” takes you through the language that can have a huge negative effect on your everyday life. It’s free and available to you by filling in your email and name at the top right of this page.

So what does this mean for all of us? If you’ve agreed with what you’ve read here, then guess what?… Happiness is something we can take control of! While when we are in a negative frame of mind, we can feel the whole world is against us and that there is nothing we can do about it. But by taking these few small steps listed here, we can create habits of happiness that can change our whole outlook on life.

Why not comment below how you’ve held yourself back from being truly happy – and how you’ve worked your way out of it… was it one of the points listed above? Please ‘like’, ‘share’ and ‘tweet’ if you know people who could make use of these tips.

Until next time, “Live Your Ultimate Life”