Why Setting a Goal to Change a Behaviour is Never Going to Work

How many times have you set a goal, and not achieved it? How many times have you set a goal, and achieved it only to fall back into your old ways after some time? And, how many times have you set a goal, not made it and restarted the attempt to achieve it over and over again?

That’s the funny thing about wanting to change something we do… it’s the fact that we want to change the behaviour that ultimately is often what sets us up for failure! Let me explain why this is so.

We all have what has been termed a “Hierarchy of Criteria”. This hierarchy outlines the levels that we use to process who we are. These levels are…

Level 1 – Behaviour – what we do

This level consists primarily of our everyday unconscious actions – things like driving, walking, the activities we do at work and at home. This base level represents our default actions and behaviour.

Level 2 – Capability – what we can do

If level 1 is the things that we do, level 2 is about the skills we need to be able to successfully undertake that behaviour. Special skills in work activities, sports, particular tasks that require knowledge and practice to perfect.

Level 3 – Beliefs – what is true for us

This is where we start to recognise those ingrained beliefs that unconsciously affect our everyday decisions and actions. Our beliefs dictate how we respond to certain stimuli and provides the brain with a quick fire ability to respond without needing to take time fully processing stimuli.

Level 4 – Identity – who we are

Level 4 is the pinnacle of the chart. It is our identity that influences our decisions based on right and wrong. Our identity is the reason we are on the planet – what we are here to achieve before we die. This is who we are.

As you can see there are definite layers that make us who we are, and there is wide spectrum of variables that make us who we are. But here is the kicker… Making a goal to change a behaviour is too low on the hierarchy to actually take hold!

When a goal is based on a behaviour, there is a distinct possibility we may not even have the capability (Level 2) to successfully undertake that behaviour. Stating “I will do ten push-ups every morning” is only looking at the activity or behaviour – nothing that supports this behaviour. What this means is that to ensure a better chance for a goal to succeed, it’s worth recognising if we have the capability or skill required to do the new behaviour.

However, even if we set the goal knowing we have the skill required, it may be that it does not align with our beliefs (Level 3). If we believe there is more joy in sleeping an extra hour rather than waking early to get a morning gym session in, the belief of sleeping will always win in the end! You may get some initial activity, but after a few days or weeks, your belief about sleep will override your attempts at change. So then, do we create goals that are based on our beliefs?

Well, yes! Recognise though, that if it is a goal that is not inline with, or goes against our higher purpose or identity (Level 4), the goal will again be denied. Our identity is where our “shoulds” become our “musts”!

For example, “I should get up and go to the gym.” If your identity was that of a professional athlete, there is no question, there is no opportunity for it to be any different… someone with an identity of an athlete will use the words “I must get up and go to the gym.” or not even think anything like that sentence at all! It is when there is a decision made about a goal that speaks to our identity that it will have a powerful and immediate impact.

Let’s try something… think of the last time you set a goal for yourself, and you achieved it quickly and simply… a time when you made a decision to start, stop or change something and it happened almost instantly. Do you remember making a change and it simply just stuck? Think back to the type of thinking you had when the change was put in play. I would suggest this particular goal was not about an action, or something you did, but was about you as a person – your identity.

For example, I remember quitting smoking. I understand it can be very hard to do – I tried multiple times to quit. But I remember the day vividly (even though it was over 15 years ago) when I said to myself “No more.” I decided right at that moment that I was a non-smoker.

Now this spoke to my identity. Rather than saying I wanted to quit smoking (setting the goal at the behaviour level), I had the skills and capability required to not smoke, I believed that smoking was bad for my health, and that I was going to lose out on a healthy fulfilling life if I kept smoking. I also believed I could “not smoke”. I have to say though, that the absolute kicker was when I thought and recognised in myself  (of being) “I am a non-smoker”.

That was my identity – that was at the core of who I am. To be completely honest with you, from that moment there was never another question about needing to have a cigarette. I was instantly a non-smoker, and it was the easiest thing I have done.

Ensuring a change is referenced at the Identity level increases that chance of a successful implementation immeasurably.

If you would like to become fitter and maybe lose a bit of weight, stop forcing yourself to count calories – stop forcing yourself to work through the pain of actually breaking a sweat multiple times a week – stop trying to change your behaviour… scope it up to the Identity level.

Ask yourself, “who do I need to become to have this already in place?” For instance an athlete has the behaviour, has the skill and capability, has the belief they can manage their fitness levels and has the identity of someone who is focussed on maintaining a peak level of fitness. Once you can create the moment where you say “No more” and you identify as an athlete, all the “shoulds” become “musts”. It is at this point that you’ll quickly recognise that it is not hard work, that there is no doubt in your mind about who you are, and everything will just happen because this is how it works for athletes.

The Hierarchy of Criteria has been refined over many years by Robert Dilts – more info here – and I can categorically say that once anyone understands this, and applies this knowledge to future goals or changes they’d like to achieve, their success rate is massively improved, and the actual work to achieve the goal becomes negligible – it simply becomes a part of who we are!

I trust this has piqued your interest a little. I will be writing more about goal setting, beliefs and our Identities over the coming weeks.

Please contact me if you have any specific questions or would like to discuss a change process you’d like support with. I can help you.

It would also be great if you shared this with those you feel would benefit from the information – use the social media links below, or even send them a link to my site… the more people we can help live more fulfilling lives, the better.

In case you are not aware, I have an eBook “Self Talk Sabotage” that will ensure you have more empowering “self talk”, managing that little voice that is always with us. A quick read yet massive value in quickly changing how you react to everything around you. Grab it now by filing out the section at the top right of the page.

Commit to better goal setting – and be in control of where your life is heading.

Have a sensational future, and…

Live Your Ultimate Life.