The Best Tip for Being Happy!

For me, recently there have been many close friends and family that have had bad news, or bad experiences. I’m sure we have all had painful experiences, not just for us, but for those we love and care for as well.

For me, something happened when I was younger (and I don’t remember exactly what or when it was) and it helped me realise that there is no point in focussing on the negative of anything. I always search for the positive of everything, and while I have had battles comparable to others, I maintain a positive attitude and am known as being an upbeat kind of guy. What it was that gave me this belief / ability / action of always looking for the best in everything eludes me. It is now just a part of who I am.

Because of this, one of the most often asked questions of me by clients and colleagues is “How do you stay happy? No-one can be happy all the time!”. The answer is that I don’t know! I simply don’t focus on things that make me feel bad. I deal with it and move on.

I have had friends where all they seem to do is focus on the bad stuff… everything that has happened to them, the reasons why they are in the position they are in, why the future looks so bleak, in fact, they can find the negative in things that haven’t even happened yet!

Ultimately, we can choose what we think about!

I was listening to a podcast a few weeks back (I can’t find the episode now, sorry) where a ‘super-coach’ was being interviewed about how to be happy. He was a very in-your-face Alpha male type and he emphatically stated “Allow yourself fifteen seconds to dwell – and then get on with life”. While a bit gruff, his point was that recognising what needs to be acknowledged is important, but then just move on. Holding on to it is ‘just stupid’ (his terminology!).

We all have pain and hurt, and it is what we choose to do with it – the power we give it – that determines how much it affects our future selves. Something from the past may have had a massive impact on your life which affected you then, and possibly set your future down a specific path. However, what we think about that event now, the power we give it this very minute is where we can get caught up and have it at the front of our mind on an ongoing basis. This is damaging and stops us from living fully.

Without taking away the gravity or the effect these events may have had in your past, please know that they happened in your past. What you do with this very minute is up to you. Are you going to continue holding it in front of you, reminding yourself of the pain; or can there be acceptance that ‘it is what it is’ and simply let it go? You have the power to affect this moment and every moment to come. Focus on the present, put all your energy into focussing on the achievements, the possibilities, this moment, for when you focus on an event from your past, there is a whole heap of life you never get to see.

This reminds me of a story I heard that goes a little like this….

An aging master grew tired of his apprentice’s complaints. One morning, he sent him to get some salt. When the apprentice returned, the master told him to mix a handful of salt in a glass of water and then drink it.

“How does it taste?” the master asked.

“Bitter,” said the apprentice.

The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.”

As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, “How does it taste?”

“Fresh,” remarked the apprentice.

“Do you taste the salt?” asked the master.

“No,” said the young man. At this the master sat beside this serious young man, and explained softly,

“The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains exactly the same. However, the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”

How concentrated are your thoughts on the negatives of the past? How much freshness and aliveness can be collected from future moments if you only take the time to notice?

If you have friends who trap their past in their thinking, please share this page with them. My hope is that it can help those who are stuck.

A quote attributed to Abraham Lincoln –
“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time”

Focus on the best of this day, this hour, this minute, this moment, and after a while we won’t even have time to think about the negatives of our past.

Doing this will help you…

Live Your Ultimate Life.

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