They were arguing, but had the same Point of View!

Wow… what an amazing week it’s been. Even though daylight is short and winter has definitely set in, we have been very busy developing some new products and seminars that we will be launching very soon. Along with the end of the financial year, it has been a busy and productive time.
But, we need to complete our discussion from last week. I wrote about how “Representational Systems” are used every day by every person and described the three main systems.

Homework was to listen to conversations with those around you to see if you could pick which representation system they preferred to use. Please take note that everybody uses all three, but has a preferential system that they use more because it’s the one that they use to process information in their mind.

Generally, people see pictures in their head (visual), talk to themselves or have internal conversations (audial) or uses rules and how things make them feel (kinesthetic) in processing their reality.

So, over the last few days, have you noticed how those around you use different speech patterns?

A while ago I was working with clients, a couple, who had been married for 6 years and things were going a bit sour. They described how the other person never listened, or how she would tell him something and only days later he would swear she never told him. He felt like she just wasn’t taking in the discussion he relayed while she couldn’t understand how no matter how clearly she made things, he just wasn’t getting the picture!

At one stage in the session, they had a heated discussion that included raised voices, physical animation and repeated statements. The interesting thing was that they were actually agreeing with each other!

Have you ever witnessed an argument where both (or all) parties are saying the same thing, just in a different way?
Welcome to different Representational Systems!

You may have noticed with the example couple that “he felt like she wasn’t taking the discussion he relayed” while “she couldn’t understand how no matter how clearly she made things, he wasn’t getting the picture”.

They loved (and still do) each other passionately, but their communication lacked mutual understanding. He processes his world by the way it makes him feel while she thinks in pictures, diagrams and words.

Can you see how with all of your relationships, that recognising how individuals represent their reality to themselves can assist in making not only yourself understood better, but also understanding their points of view?

If you have kids, this tool is essential. It is very easy to discover a child’s representation system, and it is a communication key that unlocks a door to behaviour control. Some kids enjoy getting messy and get their hands into everything, and take the smallest things to heart – they feel everything exaggerated. Others like to draw, colour in, paint, watch a lot of television – all very visual activities. Others like having stories read to them, listening to music and enjoy talking non stop – an audial child is the one that is very hard to keep quiet.

Respond to those around you using the same representation system they utilise most often and you communication and understanding will increase thousand-fold.

And if you are having an argument or heated discussion with someone, realise that it may be you not understanding what they are saying because of the way they are saying it! Next time you are frustrated, stop for a few seconds… ascertain the other parties representational system and try to think in that system for a while. You’ll be surprised at the results!

I hope you find this info useful. Enjoy your new understandings and live life like you’ve never done before.

And Live Your Ultimate Life