What gets You Going?

Good morning, afternoon or evening as the case may be. It’s great to have you visit. Today’s thought is in response to an email, so keep those emails coming in. It’s great to know what sort of information you guys would like rather than me guessing!

I received an email from Elaine who asked “My husband has this bad habit of calling me by my name! Now I know this doesn’t make sense, but we have nicknames for each other and he always calls me El. When he uses “Elaine” it makes me feel upset, that he doesn’t love me anymore and is angry at something I have done.”

This is a great example of a simple relationship issue. Remembering from a few Thoughts back, I said that only you control how you feel. Well, here is a great sample of this.

Without knowing a great deal about El, or her past, I would suggest that the sound “Elaine” is an anchor that has been set in her past that her husband may not even know about.

I know growing up when I was up to a bit of mischief, my parents would say my name in a slightly raised voice starting with the first syllable lower in pitch than the second; imagine the call of “Cooo-eee” that is used in the bush, but replace it with “Dar-rell”! I could hear this call a mile off and know that keeping that mile distance was probably a good thing!

I would suggest that Elaine has a similar anchor set. It could be that whenever she was in trouble her full name was used. Now her husband may call her full name in an air of fun or even lovingly, but the full name triggers a response in Elaine that brings back dread, guilt and a feeling of being unloved.

We all have these anchors, and recognising when someone inadvertently fires these triggers will allow you to change or entirely collapse the offending experience.

Think of a time that someone said or did something that upset you. Go back over the experience and see if there was an action or something said that you may have experienced in the past that set an anchor for the response you gave.

And remember that nothing is ever about anybody else… it is always about you!

Have a great, great day and see how many reactions you give that are automatically fired from set anchors.

Live your Ultimate Life.